Jack Lloyd, Sian Wu and their son take a break from recycling chores. Photo by Liz Jones.

The 'I Dos' and 'I Don'ts' of Recycling Couples

04/20/2009

Three weeks ago, Seattle rolled out some major recycling changes. Now, we know recycling is good for the environment, but how good is it for your relationship? A therapist in Seattle says couples here tend to bicker about recycling more than you might expect. KUOW's Liz Jones takes a highly unscientific look at the "I dos" and "I don'ts" of recycling couples. And we check how Seattle's new recycling rules factor into the debate.

Isn't it just so typical for liberal, PC Seattle? Couples here argue about recycling? Really?

Steier: "I wouldn't say it's in the top five, but it's there."

That's psychologist Daphna Steier. She's been helping Seattle couples work out all kinds of issues for about 15 years.

Now, no couple has ever come to Dr. Steier solely because they fight about recycling. But arguments about household chores are a top complaint.

Steier: "Because I think a lot of households feel overwhelmed. Recycling feels like one more detail that they need to figure out."

I wanted to find out if recycling is really a tense topic for Seattle couples, and here's where our research gets highly unscientific. I put the question to dozens of friends and co–workers — and Facebook. Overwhelmingly, just about everyone I asked has some kind of gripe.

Take my friends, Jack and Sian Wu. They quibble about whose turn it is to take out the recycling.

Sian: "Whenever someone takes out the recycling, it's like a huge favor. It's like, 'I took out the recycling. You owe me.'"

This week's pile is overflowing onto their kitchen floor. After a little debate, Jack grudgingly gives in.

Jack: "So, I'm gonna have to take out all the cat food cans because the box is too unwieldy to take out at once because we've overstuffed it."

As we walk outside, Jack worries how the city's new recycling rules will play out in his home. He likes the new flexibility to put glass, paper and plastic all in one container. But now the city also requires an extra bin for yard waste and food scraps, and that raises a new issue for them to deal with.

Jack: "So here's the new thing we got. As you can see, Sian is just taking her dinner plate and dumping it in there. She's not putting it in brown paper bags or anything. She'll just dump her food in there."

Reporter: "I thought you could do that. You have to put it in bags?"

Jack: "That's what they recommend, yeah."

Back inside Jack confronts Sian about the unbagged food she threw in the bin.

Sian: "What? What did I do?"

Jack pulls out a thick packet of information they got from the city, sort of as a referee.

Jack: "Meat, bones, fish and cheese can go in blah, blah, blah. Here are some tips. Tips: Bag it!"

For the record, the city suggests you put food scraps in compostable bags, but it's not required.

Clearly, Jack's the stickler, while Sian's more laissez–faire. And now, Jack fears the flexible rules could tempt Sian into new shortcuts, like tossing pork chops and plastic in the same container.

Sian: "No. Well, sometimes I don't clean out the containers all the way. I mean if you want to get more people to recycle, you need to assume that more people want to be less anal, right?"

Jack: "Yeah."

I turned to Dr. Steier for some expert analysis on Jack and Sian's recycling dispute. Because apparently, that's what we Seattleites like to do — analyze and dissect every little issue.

Steier: "This couple seemed to do fairly well with their different styles. But with other couples, their differing styles becomes a huge point of diversion. And they may decide, 'Oh, I don't know if I can take this person's style.'"

In other words, someone's recycling quirks could signal bigger differences in the relationship. Something you think about every time you take out the trash.

Overall, Jack and Sian are pretty compatible recyclers. They both care about it, perhaps almost to a fault. But other couples in my sample said their recycling styles are really at odds: She's a perfectionist, he cuts corners; he digs through her trash, that drives her crazy.

The question now is whether Seattle's new recycling rules will put some of these arguments to rest. The City of Bellevue went through this same recycling switch a few years ago. So I checked with a couple there, so see how they handled it.

Steve and Christy Szablya lead me into their kitchen. Off to the side, they've got two big containers for recycling and compost. The infamous compost bin took some getting used to.

Christy: "Yeah, I think that for me was the hardest thing. Paper towels with no food on them can go in the recycling; paper towels with food on them go in the compost."

Steve was the enforcer, making sure his wife and their two teenagers followed the rules. He'd even rifle through the trash and triumphantly point out violations.

Steve: "And I would actually pick it out while they were standing there and say, these bones can go in and this chicken can go in. I got a lot of the rolling of the eyes and, 'Oh god, here we go again.'"

The kids started calling Steve the Recycle Nazi, but the family kept at it. Sometimes the kids would grumble, or Steve got frustrated, or Christy was confused about what went where. But finally, after about six months, everyone was on board.

Looking back, Steve has this advice for Seattle couples and families just now dealing with this recycling switch:

Steve: "My biggest tip is to just forget about the old–school recycling that you knew about. There's a lot of things now, in fact most things now, that can go directly into your recycle."

Dr. Steier agrees that could be a good strategy for couples: Just let go of the past and start with a clean slate. Then, we can go back to bickering about other important issues, like plastic bag fees and bicycle lanes. Liz Jones, KUOW News.

© Copyright 2009, KUOW