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Radke Rant: Leaf Blowers Are Lazy, Selfish And Stupid

caption: Do you live near Bill Radke? We advise you to invest in one of these.
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Do you live near Bill Radke? We advise you to invest in one of these.
Flickr Photo/Susy Morris (CC-BY-NC-ND)

I want to ask this of the people who use leaf blowers – why?

Do you get too much exercise as it is? Has your doctor advised you to be LESS physically active and/or to avoid rakes?

Do you not own a rake? Are rakes too inexpensive and lightweight and practical for you?

My colleague Guy Nelson says he saw a guy using his leaf blower to blow leaves off his trees. Once you’ve bought into the leaf blower that makes perfect sense! You're already using it and you’re just going to have to use it again when the rest of the leaves fall – “Let’s do this right now.”

Is there not enough carbon monoxide in the air for your liking? Perhaps there's way too much peace and quiet in the world?

Or, do you suffer from neighbornapaphobia – the disabling fear that someone near you is enjoying his rest?

Or perhaps you don't like organic material mixing with your yard. I get that – that must be horrifying.

But unless you can provide me a single reason to use a leaf blower that isn't lazy, selfish or stupid, I'm going to have slip into your shed at night and load your leaf blower with musket balls.

(Made of marshmallows, because I’m peaceful.)

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