Why are women choosing the bear in the #manvsbear debate?

A question went viral on social media in recent weeks: Who would you prefer to be alone in the woods with, a man or a bear? It might sound silly, but it carries serious concerns about violence against women. Answers from women have included, “A bear, because if I got attacked by a bear people would believe me, and no one would ask me what I was wearing when the bear attacked me.” Many fathers of daughters also chose the bear option.

Seattle Times Assistant Managing Editor Naomi Ishisaka writes a column on race, culture, equity, and social justice. She wrote about the #manvsbear phenomenon this week and talked to KUOW’s Kim Malcolm about the viral moment.

This interview has been edited for clarity.

Kim Malcolm: How did you first hear about this hashtag going viral, and did it come as a surprise?

Naomi Ishisaka: I started seeing "I choose the bear" posts and memes and I had no idea what it was about. There were some grizzly bears in the news, and I thought maybe it was about that. But then I started to realize it was something a lot broader. It became kind of a viral moment where people were having this thought experiment that was really hypothetical, but in a deeper way exposed some more troubling questions, and some more complicated questions that we don't really talk about very much.

What do you think this particular moment is unearthing for people?

I think it's saying out loud something that women have been talking about for my entire life, but we never really talk about it in public in the way that I think we should. It’s conventional wisdom that there are things you shouldn't do — what to do if you're alone in a parking garage, or walking home at night by yourself — and all of those are designed to help keep women and other marginalized people safe.

But the question never gets turned around the other way to ask, why are we accepting the fact that it should be dangerous to wear earbuds walking alone at night as a woman? Why should that be something that only is acceptable for men to do, or safe for men to do? And then if something happens to you, they say, "Well, you shouldn't have been wearing those earbuds." I think we need to be asking these questions more openly, and asking ourselves, why is the onus on women to make sure they don't get harmed, versus the other way around?

Is there any data you've seen that points to the harassment of women being on the rise? Is this a reported phenomenon?

I spent a lot of time trying to find good data to determine whether or not this is something that is increasing. Is it something that has stayed the same? Is it going down? And I've really had a hard time honestly, and it was surprising. I was surprised at how little information there was out there. I know from my own life and other people, that the vigilance has never lessened. But I can't say statistically if there's a trend.

If you're walking down the street, and you're catcalled by a stranger and you feel unsafe, that’s not necessarily something you'd report to the police.

No, absolutely not. And I think that's one of the reasons why the statistics are a little hard to come by. And we also know that this type, even if it is something that's illegal, is underreported and under-investigated. I think there are a lot of reasons why we don't get a full picture of the scope of the harm.

What have you heard from your readers in response to your column?

Not too surprisingly, I've had a ton of supportive emails from my women readers, and a lot of hate-filled messages from men, many who denied that there's a problem, several suggesting that the solution is for women to be armed and that if we only were carrying guns, we wouldn't have this problem at all, because a gun can stop a bear as well as it can stop a man.

But I think they're missing the larger point. There's been over 1,000 comments on the post on Facebook with the story. That’s kind of a microcosm of the problem itself. If you read through them, they really illustrate why women choose the bear. There are men in there going as far as to say that the women who are posting in the comment thread are not good-looking enough to be worried about men attacking them, which is just a horrific thing to read, and everything else under the sun. But the fundamental thread is disbelief, gaslighting, and denial.

Are you getting any indication about where this conversation is going to go? Is it just going to be a moment, or is there something further that people can tackle here?

I've written about these issues before. One of the things I've said is that men need to be having these conversations amongst themselves. Too often, I think the folks who are most harmed or most targeted by a particular phenomenon are the ones who end up bearing the burden of fixing it. And I think this is one of those moments, where there should be men having conversations amongst themselves to understand the incentive structures that are creating the conditions that make this so commonplace, understanding where it's rooted. Did it start in childhood? Is it something that was learned in high school? I haven't had that life experience.

I think peeling back the layers of denial to get to the more honest and more vulnerable truth, which is that we are creating a culture that is dangerous for women, girls, and other marginalized people, is the work of the people who are causing the harm to do. I really think that whether it's a consciousness-raising group or some other way that folks can start having these conversations, they should be doing it.

I was struck by one comment that came from your niece, when she said she would definitely choose the bear. She told you, “Men should be trying to be the type of man that a woman would rather be in a forest with than a bear.” What happened when your niece said that to you? What did you think?

Well, first of all, I just was so proud of her for having such an astute thought. She's only 15, but she's very wise. And she has been dealing with a lot of these things for way longer than a child should have to. So on one hand, I was sad that this is something that's even in her consciousness. But I was proud of her for recognizing that the burden is not on her to not “invite the harassment.” The burden is on the people doing the harassment to stop and to understand why they're doing it, understand how they can change their behavior, and make those changes. And I really was proud that that was how she saw the problem, and she didn't put the blame on herself, because she shouldn't, and no one should.

Listen to the interview by clicking the play button above.